Culture Watch: An investigation into Delon Wright and PoutineGate

On paper, Delon Wright is the Raptors’ golden child. He checks nearly every single box of what the Raptors want and need. An excellent defender? Yep. Ability to switch positions and play both point guard and shooting guard with ease? You got it. Play-maker? Heck yes.

Can he block the Holy Ghost out of Jake Layman? Let’s check.

A half court buzzer beater to take the lead? No problem for the guy who looks like a much more in shape version of my brother.

Delon was even bold enough to Euro-step past the godfather of the move himself, Manu Ginobli — in his own house.

Delon’s dauntlessness on the court is everything the Raptors need. Unfortunately, it is this sort of reckless behaviour off the court that may have Canadians simply unable to support him any longer.

“Everybody knows I hate poutine”

Have five words ever ended a career before?

Eric Bledsoe’s “I don’t wanna be here” (which just celebrated its one year anniversary, by the way) certainly didn’t. But then again, Eric didn’t manage to offend an entire country with such an outlandish statement.

But Delon is no stranger to offending Canadians. During the off-season he once again worked out with Dwyane Wade you know, the guy who is pretty good at basketball but also PRACTISED HIS JUMPER DURING THE CANADIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM?

Is this just another example of Delon Wright hating Canada?

After a seven point loss to Oklahoma City in March, Delon posed for, and posted, a photo of himself with Thunder superstar, Russell Westbrook. Did he do this because they have an off the court relationship? Or did he do it because he can’t stand his teammates?

These actions on their own may look innocent enough, but when compiled together, they are more than alarming.

“Everybody knows I hate poutine”

Coming from a man who willingly ate lamb brains, and even went back for seconds, this statement is inconceivable. Could he really prefer the taste on barely seasoned cerebral matter to that of perfectly fried and salted, hand cut potatoes, smothered in cheese curds and gravy? Has Delon Wright ever had a decent poutine? Not from Wendy’s or Burger King, but from somewhere like La Belle Province. Does he know that they don’t need to have everything but the kitchen sink in them, a la Smoke’s Poutinerie, and that a poutine is one of those situations where less is good?

Has Delon Wright even given poutine a chance? Has he even given Canada a chance?

“Everybody knows I hate poutine”

Does Delon hate poutine? Or is poutine just a code word for Canada?

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(Please note that this is entirely in jest. I love Delon. We even share a birthday. I would not trade him for the world or even for Jimmy Butler, and judging by this photo, I don’t think he would trade us either.)