Yesterday, poor emotive Kevin Durant tweeted something. This would be no big deal — except he tweeted in the voice of different account while forgetting to log out of his actual account. There could be a benign explanation to this. Maybe his social media guy has the KD account linked to another account and meant to write something as himself but wrote it as KD instead. This could make sense. Or maybe... maybe Durant is trawling social media, searching out his name, and looking to talk shit and defend himself from a safe distance.
And in truth, I get it. I don’t have any alternate social media accounts (I manage my own, and Raptors HQ’s, obviously), but I understand the impulse to: a) have a low-key account where you can just dick around and say whatever away from the glare of celebrity, and b) come at guys who diss you. In my book, Durant has never been more relatable. (This didn’t stop internet supersleuths from digging for more of Durant’s secret life, and to be honest, I feel bad for the guy. Let him creep around on the internet in peace!)
But this turned my mind, inevitably, to the Raptors and their social media accounts. And then I wondered, who is the most likely Raptor to suffer the slings and arrows of social media embarrassment?
Here’s the official ranking:
13. Kyle Lowry - Here’s Lowry’s take on social media.
12. Fred VanVleet - A rep small enough to avoid disaster, but a situation precarious enough to not tempt fate.
11. Serge Ibaka - If you put #avecClasse in your Twitter bio, you’ve gotta back it up.
10. Norman Powell - Plays his cards extremely close to the vest but he’s my pick as most likely to have more than one alternate social media account.
9. Jakob Poeltl - Jak accidentally typing a search request into the tweet window is a thing that could happen.
8. Delon Wright - Most likely of this young newly called upon trio (with Jak and Norm) to get a little too worked up. He’s not a baby!
7. C.J. Miles - A veteran presence, but oh nooooooooo....
6. Lucas Nogueira - Bebe is wise, and he still has his Brazilian pal around to talk into hijinks
5. DeMar DeRozan - The only Raptor to regularly air grievances online. Could lead to trouble down the road. Just let it go, DeMar!
3. Pascal Siakam - That much hustle and energy can sometimes be misplaced.
2. Jonas Valanciunas - Given his proclivity for horseplay, I’m mildly surprised something hasn’t happened already.
1. Bruno Caboclo - God love him, but it always seems like he’s a bad couple minutes away from... who knows what.
And now, remember the most important lesson here: If, god forbid, one of the Raptors does indeed get himself into hot water online, keep in mind that it could happen..... to you.