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The Weekly Rap, Jan. 9th-15th: Everything is fine

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Correction: Beat the Celtics and everything is fine.

NBA: Utah Jazz at Toronto Raptors Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

Rough weekend to be a Raps fan wasn’t it? The inevitable loss at the United Center being dragged into OT AND a crippling second half collapse at home to the Rockets as Harden got himself another triple double.

It was the same conditions that have crippled the Raptors for the past three years, as their was little to no late game execution on the offensive end, the defence was unable to get a stop down the stretch, and they were far too soft inside.

BUT HAVE NO FEAR, FAKE DOUG SMITH IS HERE. The discovery of this account tonight by the majority of Raptors twitter made that loss a little easier to stomach, let’s take a look.

While this tweet duped many into thinking it was the real deal, close your eyes and just imagine a hamburger whipping across the locker room. It whizzes past Terrence Ross getting down in the DMs, and flies by JV painting his latest and greatest itty bitty baller, before smacking right into the face of Jakob Poeltl.

Bruno ain’t ready for the big show yet. Manz gonna be Sauga living for the next little while.

I think we can all agree that if we had the power to do so, we all would of given DeMarre the Lane Kiffin treatment at some point over the past two seasons.

Check back in next week as Faux Doug Smith is bound to be a recurring bit in this thing we call a column.

Jan. 10th vs. Celtics

This game is now for 2nd in the East and the Raps will look to protect home court and take a commanding 2-0 lead in the season series between these two clubs. They also need to keep the try-hards in their place for Will Lou to remain the King of Celtics slander on twitter. With the way they’ve been playing, the Raps could certainly use a boost up front....

January 13th vs. Nets

Finally the “lighter” portion of the schedule sets in for the Raps after they’ve been through the ringer over the past two and a half weeks. What does bode well for the Raps is that Brooklyn fell to the Sixers on Sunday as they begin their quest for the 8-seed, even though basketball expert Mia Khalifa isn’t exactly buying into the hype.

Jan. 15th vs. Knicks

Mike Breen! Clyde Frazier! Melo! KRISTAPS PORZINGIS (AKA PORZINGOD, AKA THREE SIT LATVIA AKA THE LATVIAN GANGBANGER *shout out Rapaport*) and a 3pm Sunday start. A little throwback to the noon games of the mid 2000’s Raptors and the NBA’s real super team in town, what’s not to like?

The Raps really need a 3-0 week to bounce back from this weekend, and I believe they’ll come through. What’s your prediction?