The Weekly Rap, Jan. 23rd-29th: This is the Very Best Take

The Raptors were cheated on by everything associated with the basketball world in last night’s loss, and it won’t be accepted! PERIOD.

Here are some other ALTERNATIVE FACTS about the Raptors play this week:

• Kyle Lowry was incredible. We love Kyle! Kyle played the best week of his career. He wore his heart on his sleeve and getting ejected for hitting Brandon Knight was the right decision!
• DeMar’s ankle is totally fine. It’s like, totally fine. He only had those terrible misses after the injury to teach the team a lesson! Play like this is not acceptable!
• The defense isn’t bad! They allow the other team to score lots of points to make the product better. Better product = better paying jobs! No border tax necessary on that one. Rim Protection? We need Border Protection!
• Fans are throwing things on the court! This is the ACC not the madhouse of the Rogers Centre! We are better than this! Sad!

What a way to blow off steam. Onto this week’s games, where if the poor play continues, we’ll all have trouble on our mind.

Jan. 23rd vs. Spurs

The next test for these Raps comes on Tuesday night at home against the quietly amazing Spurs who are 34-9 on the season after taking down the Cavs in Cleveland on Saturday night without Tony Parker and Pau Gasol. Gregg Popovich remains the GOAT, as he’s turned Dejounte Murray into a legit NBA rotation point guard this week after he barely saw the floor over the first two months of the season. His words during this tumultuous week in politics are also thoughtful, nuanced and comforting as usual:

With the recent play of both teams you’d expect the Spurs big here, but the Raps have had surprising success at home against San Antonio the past few seasons (shout out James Johnson) so I’m gonna say the Raps get out of their funk for a night and protect home court.

Jan. 25th @ Memphis

Yikes. A back-to-back against the Grizzlies at the Grindhouse after the Spurs at home? The Raps will be taking the L like Memphis super-fanalyst @KevinHFY is right now skipping our Geography of Toronto lecture.

Jan. 27th vs. Milwaukee

The Bucks are surely everyone’s #1 League Pass team this season and for good reason. The night to night inconsistency has gotta be hella frustrating to Bucks fans, but watching Giannis and Jabari (unless he’s still suspended for a violation of LOCKER ROOM TALK) will be a treat for Raps fans. Lowry will have a breakout night against the likes of Delly and Jason Terry while the Raps cruise.

Jan. 29th vs. Orlando

Bismack will be back! While watching the Dubs second half destruction of Orlando yesterday afternoon, Bob Fitzgerald continually mixed up Biyombo and Serge Ibaka and his reasoning for it was “Well they’re both big and from the Congo!” OK, dude. They are certainly different players with their own unique skill sets and the Raps could use both right now. While Biz got his money and won’t be going anywhere, if the offense continues to stagnate would an Ibaka rental really be that bad? I think it could work with Millsap off the market for now. Regardless, Raptors will roll.

With that the Raps will go 3-1 this week to get out of their rut. What’s your prediction?