Trying to woo a girl who’s already taken is a major buzzkill. The impossible can be done, though, with the right amount of consideration and persistence.
Just keeping yourself in the picture is a good start. Maybe you start a conversation by the lockers, or let her borrow a sweater or a pair of basketball shorts for her game.
Pretty soon, she recognizes you’re the guy who’s always around for support, not her boyfriend. She sees the group you hang out with — Kyle Lowry, DeMar DeRozan, those guys seem pretty chill! — and looks back at her boyfriend, smoking bowls on a fabric couch, drafting another project big man. She starts thinking about what life would be like with a new guy.
Maybe she has more freedom to be herself with you. She doesn’t have to carry all the weight and make all the decisions. She can just blend in. She doesn’t have to deal with Rudy Gay spilling tea in the media. Maybe referees will like her more.
Then you start talking on the phone. Pretty soon, you know it’s time to make a move.
Masai Ujiri and the Toronto Raptors are on the phone with DeMarcus Cousins. Let’s make this thing happen.
DeMarcus Cousins had a bad week. The Kings are 2-4 headed into the weekend, and in Tuesday’s overtime loss to Miami, Cousins picked up six fouls in the fourth quarter. As you might expect, he was less than pleased with this outcome.
Now, there’s a difference between being disagreeable and being unhappy with your entire team situation. That said, Cousins was vocally against George Karl’s tenure after the Michael Malone firing. While Dave Joerger is probably a more fun dude to be around, there’s no telling that DeMarcus will stay quiet while the Kings continue to lose.
The Basketball Fit
Come on, man. Cousins is a bonafide superstar and any team could make it work with him at power forward.
Through six games this year, he’s averaging 27.8 points on 51 percent shooting. We know he can bring what the Raptors need in a power forward. Not to put the broken record back on, but he’s got a face-up game with range, he has handles in the open court, and he’d probably be a willing passer with better teammates. Roll the damn tape.
The Emotional Fit
A little more complicated... but promising! Cousins has never been that cool-headed through his seven seasons, only briefly showing an agreeable nature during the Malone tenure. This year, he’s been frustrated with the refs, but not much else.
The Raptors, meanwhile, have shown the ability to take angry dudes who play in the southern United States and help them mature into role models and superstars. You know who I’m alluding to. Dwane Casey is a player’s coach first, and by presenting Cousins with the golden role card, he might get through to the young man and help him play within team culture.
Obviously the Raptors would be much better with DeMarcus Cousins. That said, they would have to give up a lot in any prospective trade, and the Kings would have to be very desperate to give up their franchise cornerstone amidst a perpetually rebuilt roster.
Would the Raptors be willing to part with Jonas Valanciunas? That most likely would would be the starting price, and at this point, you might get a hung jury among Toronto observers.
Sometimes, though, you have to put your pride aside and just chase what’s right.