With the release of Trainwreck this past weekend, we are now witness to the cinematic debut of Lebron James. It's true James has popped up on TV before in cameos, and he's been in a million commercials; there's even a documentary about his upbringing. But this--this is the big time.
Lebron's performance in Trainwreck does not call upon much in the way of his acting muscles. He plays himself. Still, he does play a type: he's the funny sidekick/best friend standing across from romantic leads Bill Hader and Amy Schumer. It's funny because usually a sidekick isn't also the best basketball player on the face of the earth.
As a result, my mind turned to the current Raptors roster and I got to casting. Which acting roles would each Raptor player be best suited for? We've got their names, so let's give them a role.
Public defender who takes on a loser case in a massive class action corporate lawsuit.
Enigmatic intelligence officer who knows more than he lets on. Dies heroically in the climactic scene.
Post-apocalyptic wanderer forced to lead the last band of struggling survivors to safety.
The romantic lead's too cool, too smooth rival.
Soft spoken lead in an indie coming-of-age story with too many navel-gazing scenes.
The sage hippie mentor.
The cool high school student the other kids look up to.
The fearsome villain who ends up being undone by some small ignored detail right before his moment of triumph.
Bumbling slapstick chef in a string of comedies set in different international locales.
A wild and reckless cop who always runs afoul of his superiors in order to get the job done.
The over-matched and straight-laced partner.
New-in-town symphony conductor struggling to overcome the long shadow cast by an older brother.
Demolition expert in action movie ensemble. Fourth male lead, but owns all the film's coolest moments.
Random citizen in a monster movie whose name is spoken right before something bad happens to him.
Did I get these right? How about some former Raptors?